15 Apr 2020, Paris, France
My long-lost colours and colourful world
I even don’t know what I’ve been thinking, but it led me to this nostalgia.
The first colour that I loved was green. It was not any shade of blue, but every shade of green. Is it this witchy pentagon that makes me recall myself of such feeling? Or is it her? Or is it you? Or is it just myself? Or a combination of all of us - house - her - you - me, if I might say?
When I moved here, I got a big shock! The fact that I have to past 5 doors before accessing my room is crazy enough, though it’s safe, and justifiable with a small yard in between the building. The lift is supeeeeeeeeer tiny that I have to load up my heavy luggage on each other to fit inside, despite bringing only the limited things under the airlines’ policy, well… acceptable, I managed anyway. But the most heart-shaking was… why? This is a deal-breaker to me. I picked this studio as it was decorated in navy blue, with navy blue wall, navy blue curtains, and navy blue sofa-bed, etc. Almost everything was in blue, as captured on Lodgis. I also searched for the same room at different agencies, and their photos were also in blue. But it turned out to be green, instead! Green wall, green curtains, green pillows, green blanket, green towers, green rug, and so on, and so on. As if the bunny encountered a downpour. But I had no other choice =)) At least, it’s neither pink nor red, otherwise, I would have gone on fire!
I no longer pay attention to such thing, as each day goes by and I keep living here. It’s peaceful, I must admit. Until now, when my next transformation is approaching.
As far as my long-term memory still works, I must have got some obsession with colours. The first thing I asked anybody would be what colours they liked, no matter who they were, my friends, strangers, and even my father. Though I no longer remember, my uncle would repeat my “silly yet smart” question that he would never be able to explain – “why are chillies red?”
I used to draw, everywhere and on any surface that I could =)) I got some creation that others even didn’t believe that it was mine! They doubt if I used some tricks to copy it somehow from somewhere. Why didn’t they just recognise that I could do that “great”? They were dolphins, lilies, and some other things that I had no chance to name. But arts! They were all my freedom of creation!
Regardless of the objects, the first colour I pick would definitely be green! I have no feeling now, but I think I must have felt like colouring the whole world in green back then! But it was, long long ago, so long ago that I barely can recall now. Sadly.
Not long afterward, it was a mixture of colours, not really as much as the rainbow, but no way to be monochrome! Idk why, but I still remember, almost vividly that there were 2 drawings with “odd” sense of colouring, yet they got high marks anyway, or even for such reason LOL. One was something else with a rooster standing on a haycock, it was what I saw regularly (if you know how poor Vietnam was at that time, and you could see it almost everywhere as people were still focusing on producing rice, to fill up the hunger caused by wars). I don’t remember how I coloured the rooster, but the haycock was divided into three parts with three different colours, and one of them must be red. While the other was something dived into the nature, with sea and mountains. The mountains were shaded with different colours which created a unique aura I only had crayons, so there was no way to “mix” the ready-made colour, but I just knew how to lightly layer and interleave those crayons. Now that I remember, it looked almost like the aura surrounding Đèo Ngang (Ngang Pass, one of the most beautiful sight in Vietnam, which went into the ancient poems but is now underrated and not so popular to the foreign tourists). Seeing it before the dawn is more enjoyable than seeing anything else! It’s its aura, its aura that created such a mysterious atmosphere. It may not be so majestic, yet still, it "tuned" our heartbeat uncontrollable. Oh I was telling my story about the drawing =)) I had never seen Đèo Ngang when I was shading such mountains, but some way, somehow that I can’t explain. It might be magic then, or just a simple coincidence.
Later on, I don’t remember exactly what happened, in general, we just moved our house. There was a blank that I cannot retrieve, no matter what. I don’t really remember. But long afterward, I changed and liked white instead. Everything must be in white. Then black. Anything is in black. I even don’t know how and since when, but I gradually developed feeling for navy blue, at the same time with white, and black. And my closet has nothing rather than white, black, and navy, for almost 15 years till now. Well, it sounds basic, classic, and enough, right? Yeaaaah, I felt happy and satisfied with this, so much that I even do not mind it at all. My life just keeps going on like that. Until now, or more precisely, until recently.
And now, when I review all those incidents, there’s no way they are mere coincidences, there have always some reasons behind all those events. My sis gave me a light green sleeveless dress, mixed with tiny details in black, almost 10 years ago, which I still keep and still sometimes wear it. I always look pretty in it, indeed, no kidding! Nothing can survive up to 10 years in my closet. Of course, it was her gift, but it’s not the reason. I left it in Vietnam, unfortunately, as I got to much to bring here. The first time I coloured my nails, it was also green. I rarely have my nails polished and just did it for fun, but damn! They looked amazing in green!
Later on, I got other two dresses, one is green mixed with red, and one is dark green. They were almost only worn in special occasions :”) I just look good in green! I can’t believe that I never notice this!
Last X’mas, when I was trying jewelleries in Prague, it was the first time that I had ever tried Aquamarine. I looked just beautiful! =)) I have never complimented myself like this, not to mention soooo muuuuch like this! Don’t be fooled with its name, aquamarine, but it’s not really blueish. There are different shades thereof, but anyway, the ones with some greenish inside them look nicest to me and on me!
I still have a shot story left but it can’t be shared here. It’s neither dark nor light, but it might be misjudged and I don’t want it that way. It’s still green, anyway. She tried to unseal it 5 – 6 years ago, but she failed. That time, I lost my first ring for her :-< It was a very cute and pretty rose-shaped rose-quartz handmade ring by my order, worn on my little finger. I was also wearing that navy blue ring on the same finger when I lost it in Berlin. Why do they hate her so much like that? What a deep grudge!
Now I even doubt whether it was them, or me myself that seal up my green heart like that. It sounds crazy if it was my own doing, but still, it’s a possibility. But why? Why then?
…
Green, how beautiful!
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