12 Apr 2020, Paris, France
It was you who triggered me at first. So now, what’s wrong with you?
“I’m here not to cause you any trouble, but to bring you all happiness. Thus, you don’t need to worry about being dragged into my mess. I’ll solve everything just by myself and keep you purist as pure water and pure air as ever!” – Ha Yen, 11 April 2020, Paris, France.
No one has ever asked me so much “why” like that. There are 4 types of questions. Apart from the 3 ones which I told you, the last one is for “other purposes”, which I hate most.
Except for him, no one could get me fight with my true form. It’s always been like that till now, until you. But things are so different now. Everything is different!
Deadline [as proposed by me] is 4 days from now, and I still haven’t really started yet. I’ve been asking me why, as it can’t be laziness. Taurus is hardworking, Capricorn is workaholic, and a combination thereof doubles such craziness. Not to mention, eagle-fingerprints is goal oriented just as an eagle never give up on its prey, unless it’s bored. I must be bored then. Yes, I’m so bored of it now! It has never been the thing that I wished to do, but “a tool” to achieve what I wanted. There’s no easy shortcut, so I picked the rough long run. I never minded it, as long as it could lead me to the happiness that I had yearned for.
I no longer felt like doing this so long ago, but I just cannot give it up as for how far I’ve reached. Not to mention, I may disappoint her, who said that she was looking forward to what I could show… even if it was just an external-relation response. She may be the one to whom I should pay a visit. Until I get thing clear, I don’t wanna make any mistake that I would regret.
All I want is just happiness! A simple happy life, as “doing what I like with whom I want to do it with”. But I never could! And I would never be able to, unless and until the day I reclaim my own freedom! How can I get back my freedom? That’s all I was thinking about. Only by getting stronger and stronger, until I acquire the ultimate power! No matter how hard I tried, I never got the true power. I got depressed myself and even doubted myself. I had been exhausted long ago! Yet still, I gotta pull myself together and rise up again. What else can I do? Things can’t be either worse or better.
I had been preparing to go to France since 7 – 10 years ago, when my GGF asked me to go there, in order to find you, with very little details. Prior to that, a friend of mine, claiming herself as a white witch (her family name means “white” in Han-Viet anyway), told me that my special one would be the most unexpected one. I asked what she meant with “unexpected”. She said that would be someone who I never got in my mind. I was kidding if that would be someone that I hated, but if I hated somebody, that one would definitely be in my mind :)) She said it would not be love, but care. I was astonished how could you care for someone if you did not love that one? She said it was very hard for her to explain, and that only we would know, other would never understand. I kept seeing around to see who you were, I didn’t care, I was just curious!
I even didn’t know who you were and had no idea what type of person you were. That time, I thought I would definitely come here with him, I would be doing my LLM while he’s doing a PhD, that sounded just perfect! I kept trying harder and harder day by day, as each second passed by. When I was drowned into deep trouble and couldn’t get myself out of it, I seek for advice from tarot readers, something and someone to which I had been introduced so long ago but had neither believed nor trusted. What else could I do when I lost all hopes and supports from the ones closest to me? The first time, a man said that it would not be him. I asked what the hindrance was, as I could fiercely raze it all, feeling afraid that it would be his family as I thought I could and would never reach such a beautiful person, who purified my heart. But no, the man said it was my families… I barely know who we were, but I could never imagine how much strong and influential they were. I was so stupid that I still kept trying and trying again and again to be with him, neglecting all the rest of the world. Who cares? I was so selfish focusing on the “love” in which I believed that I hurt so many others caring for and loving me. The second time, a girl said that it would not be him. I was very annoyed as I would always be defensive for him and for us, and if you know, I’ve got a bullet-eye that freeze others [as commented by my friends]. I said that she would be wrong and she was also annoyed that she stopped reading for me :))
And now, it’s the turn of my karmic situation, but I just don’t want to say anything about this one. Shortly, I saw his face in myself in my photo of my 22nd birthday, in just a blink yet it scared me to death, misleading me to stupid compromise with the devils! Then, not so long after we first met, I saw his face in you… for a moment, I had trembled and even went pale and sweated! What the hell is going on earth!
I couldn’t let myself be fooled again to commit any further sin! That’s enough! That’s too much!
Who knows… what happened that led me to today?
All those warning signs are myself protection mechanism forged with love from all who love care for me. It’s something that I have no control over.
Gathering all FORs and AGAINSTs, it’s you, that’s all! And yes, I must admit that I haven’t fallen for you with my heart yet, but I care for you so deeply insanely!
Let me know what you wanna do, I’ll make your wishes come true! With all these powers which I have been collecting so hard and so much so far.
Why? You must be asking now. ‘Coz you’re the one that taught me how to fight for others especially for the one whom I deeply care for. I’m feeling thousands of times stronger now, so much stronger than any ultimate power which tempted me with its illusions.
That’s why I must let you know about my twin flame. My feeling for him is self-love. Loving him is loving myself and that love is selfish. For you, Idk yet, but it’s something really beautiful and so valuable that I am treasuring for the rest of my life, from now on. I used to be so selfish that I even didn’t recognize it myself and hurt others. I have always been selfish, until I met you. Devil or angel, you’re all mine, Dear Beloved!
I’m here not to cause you any trouble, but to bring you all happiness. Thus, you don’t need to worry about being dragged into my mess. I’ll solve everything just by myself and keep you purist as pure water and pure air as ever!
Goodnight and sweet dreamssssss
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